I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
