Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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