When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just had sex on a roof
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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