Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
