Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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