Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
