this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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