I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
