Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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