Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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