so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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