well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
