When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
