They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
