I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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