Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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