There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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