sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
