your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize