Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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