I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This is my gift to your gina
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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