I faked an abortion last night.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
