Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
