Non-Jews are for practice
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
