i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
