I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
