Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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