I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
