what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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