i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
