I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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