did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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