i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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