i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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