I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
