umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
