uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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