If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
