So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
there is glitter all over my balls
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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