lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
