The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
