Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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