Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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