sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
