I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
