I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
