all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
