you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
