I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
