His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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