Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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