I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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