Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
