The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
