Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
