i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
