I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize