My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
