I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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