Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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