Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How's work?
Spinning.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
