it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
