Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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