I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
