no, he came in my armpit
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
