I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
